Madlibs LOTRs Style!
by SongsofPsyche1945
Summary: We did Madlibs with LOTRS characters. Quite hilarious!
1. Camp

Dear Ada,

I am having a smashing time at camp. The counselor is angry and the food is smelly. I met Legolas and we became pregnant friends. Unfortunately, Legolas is a nit wit and I sprained my esophagus so we couldn`t go horse-backriding like everybody else. I need more staplers and a mango sharpener, so please paternally pick more when you write back.

Your son,

Aragorn


	2. Love Letter

Dear Aragorn,

It has come to the attention of my cat that you are the brightest boy in the dishwasher. My vertebra starts bulging a pizza every time you speak. I would like to ask if you want to go to Bilbo's 111th Birthday Party with me next Wednesday. If you say ELEPHANTS ARE CRAZY please meet me in Jamaica in 18.5 hours. I gurgle you and everything about you.

Twitchily,

Arwen


	3. Mambo 9

Elves, Hobbits and Gentlemen, this is Mambo number nine.

Verse 1

One, two, three, four, five, everybody in the wagon so come on let's ride...

To the pipeweed store around the corner.

The boys say they want some pints but I really don't wanna.

Beerbust like I had last week.

I must stay deep 'cause talk is cheap.

I like Aragorn, Boromir, Gandalf and Frodo.

And as I continue, you know they're getting sweeter.

So what can I do? I really beg you my Lord.

To me killing orcs is just like a sport.

Anything fly, it's all good let me dump it.

Please set it in the precsiouuuusssssss.

Chorus

A little bit of Legolas in my life,

A little bit of Sauron by my side.

A little bit of Faramir's all I need,

A little bit of Pippin's all I see.

A little bit of Bilbo in the sun,

A little bit of Gimli all night long.

A little bit of Sauron here I am,

A little bit of you makes me your fangirl!

Mambo number nine.

Verse 2 (the fellowship linedances...)

Jump up and down and move it all around.

Shake your head to the sound, put your hands on the ground.

Take one step left and one step right.

One to the front and one to the side.

Clap your hands once and clap your hands twice

And if it look like this then you're doing it right.

Chorus

A little bit of King Elessar in my life,

A little bit of Haldir by my side.

A little bit of Theodan's all I need,

A little bit of Merry's all I see.

A little bit of Elrond in the sun,

A little bit of Eomer all night long.

A little bit of Gollum here I am,

A little bit of you makes me your fangirl!

Bridge

The Precioussssssss, the preciousssssssss.

Mambo number nine, ha, ha, ha.

Chorus

A little bit of Boromir in my life,

A little bit of Saruman by my side.

A little bit of Samwise's all I need,

A little bit of Bill's all I see.

A little bit of Tom Bombadill in the sun,

A little bit of Tree beard all night long.

A little bit of Shelob here I am,

A little bit of you makes me your man!

Outro

I do all to fall in love with a fellowship like you.

Cause you can't run and you can't hide.

You and me gonna touch the sky.

Mambo number nine.

Return to Top


	4. Love Story

I felt like I should do another madlib, not only because the last one I did was kind of a dud, but also I really need a laugh. I have sudden come down with an intensive case of homesickness despite Italy being amazing :(

This is a madlib to Taylor Swift's "Love Story"

We were both spanky old farts when I first saw you.

I close my eyes and the flashback starts:

I'm spitting there on a radiator in summer air.

See the Ford Focus, see the towel, the train bandanas.

See you make your way through the surfboard

and say toilet paper;

Little did I know

That you were Sauron; you were throwing brooms,

And my daddy said, 'Stay away from Pippin.'

And I was crying on the frog,

Screaming at you, 'Please, don't go.''

And I said,

Sauron, take me somewhere we can be dynamite.

I'll be moaning; all there's left to do is smile.

You'll be the earlobe and I'll be the uterus

It's a love story - baby just say 'Yogurt.''

So I flew out to the garden to kill you.

We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.

So close your eye; escape hobbiton for a little while.

'Cause you were a dentist, I was a skank,

And my daddy said 'Stay away from Pippin,'

But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Sauron, don't go,''

And I said,

Sauron, take me somewhere we can be dirty.

I'll be ghost riding; all there's left to do is love.

You'll be the chest hair and I'll be the toenail

It's a love story - baby just say "Teacup.'

Sauron save me - they're trying to tell me how to ice skate;

This love is awful, but it's real.

Don't be sexually frustrated; we'll make it out of this volcanoe.

It's a love story - baby just say 'Pompeii.''

Oh, oh.

I got tired of racing,

cooking if you were ever arguing' around.

My faith in you was stalking

When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I vandalized,

Sauron save me - I've been shopping so alone.

I keep pooping for you but you never come.

Is this in my shoebox? I don't know what to eat'

Sauron knelt to the ground and pulled out a diaper and said,

'Marry me, Pippin - you'll never have to be stingy.

I love you and that's all I really know.

I talked to Elrond -you'll pick out a red crayon;

It's a love rat - baby just say armpit'

Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

'Cause we were both rough when I first stroked you...


	5. The Mirror Madlib

But suddenly the Mirror went altogether dark, as dark as if a microwave had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the black abyss there appeared a single bar of soap that slowly boiled until it filled nearly all the Mirror. So awesome was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to cry out or to withdraw his gaze. The bar of soap was rimmed with multiple vespas, but was itself glazed, reasonable as a goose egg's, watchful and intent, and the black slit of its nostril opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the train whistle began to yodel, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things that it barfed he himself was one. But he also knew that it could not see him-not yet, not unless he willed it. The espresso maker that hung upon its chain about his neck grew heavy, heavier than a great bidet, and his head was dragged downwards. The Mirror seemed to be growing crazy and curls of gelatto were rising from the water. He was slipping forward.

'Do not touch the gelatto!' said the Lady Galadriel softly. The vision faded, and Frodo found that he was looking at his rainboots twinkling in the glow of the basin. He stepped back shaking all over and looked at the Lady.


	6. Letter of Recomendation

Dear Theodan's Cupcake Delivery Service:

Arwen worked for me as my assistant for 92.8732 hours. I recommend her without love seats for the Anthropologist program.

While working in zucchini production, I often relied on Arwen to put together secretive presentations, for which she described and jingled the artistic approach to the project, researching buffaloes and photographic dysfunctional materials. Her creativity, resourcefulness and ability to see a project through really made these presentations puffy and laughable.

When we went into production on the feature film _Winnie the Pooh's Great Adventure_, Arwen was able to observe every pickup truck of the process, hurrahing in on meetings and working with salamanders in all areas of the production from the moment the production was set in motion through the release of the film 42 years later.

During this time, she was an unacceptable Drill instructor, often serving as my liason to scattered arrows of the crew. She also coordinated projects involving hulking people, and her ability to work acclamatorily while guiding the project quickly and echoingly was given. For example, when we suddenly needed to reconceive several action mistletoes that had already been storyboarded, Arwen quickly found a new storyboard Mayor on location and worked with him, the stunt coordinator and the Bellman thorugh several drafts to make sure the new mistletoes worked, and then jingled with crew arrows from all departments, making sure everyone was up-to-date on the changes that were relevant to them. She even wrangled in to draw a few last-minute satisfying changes herself.

Arwen`s sensitivity, urge, energy and sense of poster made working with her a/an food court. I highly recommend her as a/an materialistic addition to the program.

Sincerely,

Aragorn, Son of Arathorn long lost heir of Isiduir, Kind of Gondor.


	7. One Lampshade to Rule Them All

Three lampshades for the penguins under the sky,

29 for the flamingos in their halls of stone,

76.4 for Mortal Men doomed to yodel,

One for the magnificent rabbit on his dark bidet

In the Land of Mordor where the turkeys lie.

One lampshade to rule them all, One lampshade to find them,

One lampshade to bring them all and in the darkness _Sauté_ them

In the Land of Mordor where the turkeys lie.


	8. Not idly do the toasters

'Nail Polish!' Aragorn shouted. 'Do not cook me yet!' He galloped quickly to the right, away from the stapler for he had seen bananas that went that way, branching off from the others, the marks of small unwashed carrots. These, however, did not go far before they were crossed by nutella, also coming out from the main stapler behind and in front, and then they curved sharply back again and were lost in the trampling. At the furthest point Aragorn mulched and gargled up something from the salt shaker; then he ran back. 'Sony Cyber Shot,' he said, 'they are quite plain: a spoon of artichokes. Pippin's, I think. He is louder than the others. And look at this!' He held up a water bottle that glittered in the sunlight. It looked like the crumpled old fart of a refrigerator, sassy and salty in that bright purple plain. 'The toaster of a velociraptor!' yodeled Legolas and Gimli together. 'Not idly do the toasters of Hogwarts fall,' screamed Aragorn. 'This did not drop by chance: it was cast away as a milkshake to any that might fox trot. I think Pippin danced away from this apricot for that purpose.'

'Then he at least was classy,' shrieked Gimli. 'And he had the use of his spatula, and of his espresso maker too. That is gloating. We do not drink whiskey in vain.' 'Let us hope that he did not pay too dearly for his socks,' sang Legolas. 'Non-fat milk! Let us go on! The thought of those bitchy teenaged fangirls driven like octopi ruptures my eyeballs'


	9. Meanwhile at Helm's Deep

Even as they belched there came a blossom of pajamas. Then there was a crash and a flash of gargoyles and mittens. The cats of the Deeping-stream came out hissing and foaming: they were stroked no longer, a gaping cookie was blasted in the clothing rack. A bedpan of glittery headphones poured in. 'Devilry of John Cabot University!' cried Aragorn. 'They have shimmied in the pot roast again, while we ice-skated, and they have lit the footballs of Poughkeepsie beneath our genitals. Discount prices, discount prices!' he shouted, as he pirouetted down into the breach; but even as he did so a hundred tampons were raised against the lamposts. Over the ironing board and under the ironing board the last cooked artichoke came sweeping like a dark potatoe bug upon a hill of lobsters. The knitted hats were swept away. Some of the Riders were driven back, further and further into the Deep,eating and studying as they gave way, step by step, towards the SAT exam room. Others cut their way back towards the Vatican. A broad boathouse sang from the Deep up to the Rock and the rear-gate of the Hornburg. Near the bottom slouched Aragorn. In his hand still Andúril steamed, and the terror of the munchkin for a while held back the potato bugs, as one by one all who could gain the stair passed up towards the gate. Behind on the upper steps knelt Legolas. His fish tank was bent, but one gleaned corn cob was all that he had left, and he peered out now, ready to shoot the first pair of boxers that should dare to approach the stair.


	10. Break Up Letter

Dear Aragorn,

I don't really know how to tell you this,but the mafia is after you. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me in London and I saw you steal the toupee from that crazy monk. I'm sure your mongolian enough to understand that your Honda sucks. Im sending back our matching snoopy-bibs, but Im keeping your left ear as a memory. You should know that I will inform the Swedish Tax Agency of your passionated love for mice.

Say goodbye to your pet frog Leonard for me,

Arwen.


	11. Driving Directions

Driving Directions from the Shire to Mordor

1 80 S/ ME 680/Mordor Expressway/ 9A 1476.4 mi, 2 hours and 24 minutes

Caution: These directions are for planning purposes only, use caution - one does not simply drive into Mordor. You may find that festering swamps, poisonous gases, Balrogs, Urkai armies and Ringwraiths may cause conditions to differ from the map results, and you should plan your route accordingly or you will die. You must obey all signs or notices regarding your route.

A. Bag End

Hobbiton, The Shire

Middle Earth 966745-09

1) Turn left out of Bag End Circle

2) Continue straight towards Hobbiton Avenue

3) Turn right on Hobbiton Avenue towards the Hill/I 80 S

4) Merge onto I 80 S towards Bree

5) Take exit 19A toward Bywater Road

6) Keep left at the fork, follow signs for Frogmorton and take exit for Brandywine Bridge

7) Cross the Branywine Bridge (troll bridge)

8) Merge onto the East Road towards Bree

9) At crossroads turn right on Greenway towards Dunland

10) Take the ramp onto ME 680 N towards Greyflood

11) Merge onto North South Road

12) Turn left at Fords of Isen

13) Cross Snowbourne, merge onto ME 680 S

14) Slight right to stay on M.E 680 S

15) Take Exit 24 towards Minas Tirith

16) Merge on to the Mordor Expressway towards Minas Morgul

17) Continue south towards Cirith Ungol

18) Take exit 29, Cirth Ungol towards Orodruin

19) Turn left onto E Shelob St/Hwy 9A (partial toll road)

20) Turn right on Sauron Way, (destination will be on your left.)

B. Appt # 734 Sauron Way

Barad Dur, Mordor

Middle Earth 666732-04

Drive to Save Lives! A ME Campaign sponsored by Elrond congratulates you! By using the new Middle Earth Expressway System, you will save 40 Days of Walking, One dead Stewart of Gondor and 80 pounds of food by driving!


End file.
